...(...)

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real
to know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
that I can't explain
so would I be out of line, if I said
I miss you
I see your picture, I smell your skin
on the empty pillow next to mine
you have only been gone ten days
but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon
but I need you to know that I care
and I miss you
(I miss you)
...

-Incubus

life gets pretty heavy
i wish it was light.

no more today, thanks.

The Adventures of C-dogg and K.J.

Last weekend a seed was planted. A dream was born. A trip was contrived. Casie and I made the plans to go to Paramount's Kings Island(pki for short) on Sunday June 27th. *cue dramatic music*
And that folks, is exactly what we did.
We had soooo much fun. And thanks to LouisBille, we didn't have to pay for tickets! We looked forward to it all week. We planned to hit up the water park(we're sungoddesses) and then ride the coasters in the evening. We prepared for fun in the sun. We bought beach towels, a cooler, we carefully decided what to pack the nite before, and I debuted my new orange bikini.
Once we arrived at the park, we headed straight for the waterpark... this place was *awesome*. I can't wait to go back. There are cool water rides, a lazy river(oh heaven), and a pool with a wave machine. It really felt like the ocean! They had a bar, and a band, and anything you could ever need or want! You might say it's a magical place. Here's a pic of me and Casie while having our lunch...

After lunch, we hung out with some of her co-workers from the nursing home. They're really down-to-earth folks. We took a ride on the lazy river, and then rode the coolest raft ride EVER. We laughed a lot. After that we layed out for a bit and then headed into the park for some roller-coaster-lovin'-fun!

Our first choice was Tomb Raider. Whoa. (Whoa.) We had no idea what to expect, but it was awesome and all-together-dramatic. **Descend into the ancient tomb of the illuminati guarded by the Warrior Goddess Durga, just as the planets align - and become enmeshed in an epic test of fire and ice! Hurtling through the darkness, you'll come face-to-face with glistening, razor-sharp stalactites and roiling, red-hot lava pits, twisting and turning as you struggle against the fury of nature's polar opposites in a desperate effort to escape!** We giggled the entire time... it was such a good ride... I'm pretty sure we hung upside down for 10 seconds over "molten red hot lava"! 5 stars.

The second ride was The Beast. Now, I hate roller coasters just as much as I love them. This ride is scary. It's wooden, it's fast, and it's rough. (ladies, wear support.) The Beast was born in the 70's, I believe. Dude, my *mom* has ridden this ride... so naturally I had to conquer my fear of wooden roller coasters. We got to what we thought was the end, and Casie suddenly remembered there was more... "the best part" is what she called it. So fast. So rough. It was pretty sweet. Screaming and all. 4 stars.

After that, we rode Son of Beast. A higher, faster version of The Beast. Freakin' A. This ride was insane. The only looping wooden roller coaster... with speeds of 78 mph and a descent of 214 feet. Sooo fun, and a little smoother. 4 stars.

We rode a few others, but those were definitely the high-lites! I'm sorry I don't have a picture for everyone to see... we decided not to get one b/c we were either not looking at the camera or I was in mid-scream. And that is not so attractive. :)

Here's another pic of us after a day of sun. We got pretty red, and freckly. You can't really tell, tho.

Here's a pic of Cincinnati's own the Eiffel Tower...

We finished off the nite with some Larosa's Pizza by the water fountains. It was nice to finally sit down.

It was such a perfect day. Neither of us had been to Kings Island in a long time. It had been since high school for me... we used to have to make a 4 hour trek on a school bus full of stinky teenagers, but this time we only had to drive 25 min. :) We can't wait to go back!

However, as much as I enjoyed myself at PKI, I still think Cedar Point is the best!

...

...
Me and Derek at Beatniks. It had been such a long time since I'd gone in there. They always make me feel so welcome. I love that place.

...
This is my brother and his new girlfriend, Amie. She's a looker. I haven't met her yet. When I think of them, I smile and sorta tear-up. I know he's happy.

Naked men on Music Row in Nashville. Very cool piece of art! 

... 

Laying it down.

Here's the thing. I cannot write anything worth reading to save my life. It's very frustrating. Writing has always been an outlet for me(even if I keep most of it private), but for some reason, for the last month or so... I haven't been able to manufacture a clear thought. It's driving me nuts.
I fancy myself as a some-what creative person. The juices are flowing. I keep filling up, but there is no release. What if I just blow up one day? Bits of kylie everywhere. Eeeesh.
Maybe it's b/c I haven't been reading for leisure. I have tons of books on my list. I've started a nice little library, if I do say so muh-self. Do you think it's wrong to buy books just b/c I think they look good on my vintage bookshelves? :) Anyhoo, back to the matter at hand. What in the Sam-hill is my problem?
I've played a lot of guitar the past few days... thinking it might help... it has not. I've been playing a few Gillian Welch songs. A few OtR songs from Drunkard's Prayer. And a few of my own chords. I began a poem, but Zayne had to rearrange it to make it sound better. That's how much I suck. "Hi, I'm kylie and I'm addicted to writing sucky poems." (**Hi kylie**)
Here, read this... maybe you can help... maybe we can write a poem together. Maybe we could dance...
----------------------------------------------------------
i've had this song on repeat for hours
this melody has been opened,
chords licking the wounds of one soul wrenched with pain.
my calloused fingers cling to the strings
ringing of truth
locked, and lovely
like lovers denied
the seemingly intermittent beat of my heart
fails to keep time
as it strums out my thoughts
digressively seeking direction...
-----------------------------------------------------------
*Gasp*
::Whispers:: "Did she just put part of a (sucky) poem in the middle of a post?!"
Yeah folks, I did.
I'm feeling random... what are you gonna do about it?
...Reeling it back in...
Maybe I'm scared to write? This is an online journal... linked on a message board, my aol profile, and email. Not that this is the only place I write... I'm just sayin'. (Gosh!)
Like rite now... I could probably totally take the lid off of my heart and spill out every thought and emotion, but I can't do that here. Someone might read it and take it the wrong way and that could be bad. It could be a lot of things.
So maybe it's b/c I'm not taking time to see the beauty. Life, sometimes, feels like it's moving too fast. Yet, too slow. Something is missing. (Notice I didn't say *someone*) And a lot of the time I think about things I don't have. I should be focusing on the things I do have... that would probably make life feel more complete. And maybe that's where my creativity lies.

Oh, I'm little lost and not so sure I want to be found. God help me.

So, I just rambled... Hey! That's a start.

And now, I'm gonna hit the books like a fat kid on chocolate cake. I mean, I'm gonna study... hard.

...

My memory will not fail me now,
And the rest is history...

A blessing.

I can't quite find the words to describe what I'm feeling. I'm gonna post another's words....
But a big ol' wave of feelings, memories, and emotions hit me today and these words are part of that.

Listen.
...

Ever

You ripped me wide open
Wounded and curled
Broke the skin to let my joy spill out
Scarred my world
Like a permanent smile
Wrecked my idea of heaven
Threw open the blinds to let the light shine in
Said, To hell with what you think you know
You have no idea what you're doing
I'm going to teach you to dance
You put a finger on my lips
One hand on my hips
Leaned in and whispered
The music is inside you
I said, The world is too big to love
You said, Love it one bite at a time
I said, I don't know if I can die like this
You said, Close your eyes and let me break your fall
You'll be raised up if you'll just lie down
Sow your love into my fertile ground
I said, There was a time my brother built a tree house in the swamp
How did he do that with just some spare lumber and a hammer
There was a ladder that we climbed
And we sat and looked out into the summer sun
Together
My brother said, without saying a word,
Everything we need to know is right here
There is no other world
We'll never have more than we have right now
Maybe we glimpsed it all in that blurry Pennsylvania sunset
You said that's the kind of love I'm talking about
We can get it backI can pull for you
And pour myself into your sleepy heart
Like black coffee
You'll wake up and there will be this aroma
Coming up the stairs
From the kitchen
You'll sit up and stretch your arms and think
I can do this
And the thing about this one is
I don't have an ending in mind
. . .

-linford detweiler

We're falling in love again... me and Jetta James.

That's rite, ya'll. 90% on my A & P exam. Next chatper: Neurophysiology!
..

Matter-of-Course

...
you hit me like the cold in the morning rain
you hit me like the wind against a moving train
you hit me like a preacher with a heavy soul
i will find another way home

you hit me like deliah on samson
you hit me like the fires on rome
you hit me with your fear, yeah i can take it baby
i will find another way home

you hit me like the anger of mexico
burnin' down the doors of the alamo
you hit me with the things i already know
i will find another way home

when you hit me, yeah you always leave a trace of it on my skin
when you hit me, i'm in no man's land, relevating it
when you hit me the whole world feels abuse and my regret

when you hit me, i am not me
i am not me, when you hit me
i am not me
when you hit me, i am not me

you hit me like the blue of the ocean sky
you hit me like the heat of july
you hit me with your fist, yeah i can take it baby
i will find another way...
i will find another way...
i will find another way home
...

-kim taylor

Rock n' Roll Heaven...

So, I had a very odd dream last nite.

I can't really recall how it started out. The first thing I remember is looking down at the clouds. It was the most beautiful thing ever. I asked our "tour guide" where we were, and she replied "rock n' roll heaven". (i know, right?)
It was a big building, with hundreds of little rooms meant for playing and listening.
So strange, but cool. It wasn't all musicians tho. There were a lot of celebrities, and some normal folks, like myself. Not everyone was dead, it sorta felt like a place for broken hearts. I felt so lost, but the music made it worthwhile.
And I could use my cell phone. I called my mom, but of course I didn't have a very good signal. (I'm guessing there aren't cell phone towers in heaven.) So then I tried to call some friends, but still couldn't get thru. I was panicking b/c I couldn't figure out what was going on. I finally got ahold of my mother... she couldn't hear anything I was saying. Thru the static I hear my mom say, "he'll be waiting for you at the doors"... and then the phone cut out. I knew who she was talking about. So I started walking, looking for these doors... looking for him. The place was so big, I walked for what felt like years. I started to give up. And then I ran into this lady... She was old, and very wise to what was going on. I have no idea who she was, but I felt a kinship with her. She only told me to wait...

And then I woke up.

What a strange dream, in so many ways. Hmmm...

haha.
"Kylie with gout." Artwork courtesy of Anna.

Much prettier in real life. 

me and my buddy, michelle. 

...

...

I'm in a picture-posting mood.
Me, Karin Bergquist(OtR), and Kimberly.

venting...

i never took your hand
because i never trusted it
you've done all you can do, i suppose
but, you repeatedly fell on your face,
as i watched, as she picked you up
and fortunately let you go.
no one ever saved me
the way you could have,
if you were someone else.
maybe things could have been different,
mabye i wouldn't be the way i am,
disappoint(-ing, -ed) and delusional.
. . .

... 

Call it the shadow of myself.

I was thinking...

Before all of this crappy love junk, I was doing really well. I remember thinking positively and being happy just b/c I'm living in Cincinnati. Sure, I was sorta bored and was itching to make some new friends and whatnot. But I'm feeling pretty lonely rite now. I have a roommate, good friends all over the country, supportive family, and a serving job I like. But mostly things feel icky. I'll get over it, I know... I just need to vent a little. I really want to get back on track with school, and save money. I want to get into shape, and highlite my hair(I think I'll do that tomorrow). I want to be a better person... stop "feeling" so darn much. It's annoying, and it's not so healthy at times. (I wonder if this is too personal) There's so much I could be doing rather than being sad, and lamenting over someone not worth the energy. There's so much to be done. I believe it was Abe Lincoln who said "we're only as happy as we choose to be". Hmm.

I'm also really looking forward to a certain Apple gathering coming up in a few weeks. It will be so refreshing to see all of their smiling faces. It's exciting to think of laughing with everyone. (that sounds really dorky!) I dunno... I just love me some Apples. And I appreciate the support and words of encouragement from my friends. Ya'll have no idea how much you mean to me. (Love.)

So, Spring is on it's way. Yay! And then Summer! Which means sunny days, evening walks, throwing the ball around, ice cream, open windows, flip flops.... I can't wait! :)

Anyhoo, it's late.

Oh, and by the way... please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for a few days if that's ok.

Ever.
...