Play-by-play

Today, I actually smiled and giggled. Someone even told me they missed my giggle. How sweet.

I spent a lot of today in thought. And a lot of time getting advice from three different dude friends.
What a strange day. This has the potential to be a very random journal entry. You don't mind, do you?

This a.m. I talked with a dear(hot!) friend from the Orchard. (man, i miss you) For some reason, this tiny convo had a positive affect on today's outlook. Thank you for your concern.
After that... I showered, made myself smell nice, put on make-up and felt pretty(which is important when you're feeling sickly). :)

I had lunch with my long-lost friend, Steven. Everytime I spend time with this fella... I feel so good about myself. We talked about love, books, tomato-basil soup, Damien Rice, love, and the awkwardness of eating noodles on first dates. He reminds me of my dearest**... less goofy, but so much alike.
He has an easy presence, and enjoys giving compliments. He's romantic with his words... elegant. He's strong, kind, and intelligent. I trust his advice and wish him luck on the book and the job search. Thank you, Steven.


After lunch I rushed to my doc appointment. Interesting, the outcome. And by interesting I mean scary. They scheduled me for a Cardio-Stress Test... that whole 4-hour-hooked-up-to-a-tread-mill type of thing. Normally... I dunno, I don't think I'd be as freaked out. Maybe it's just bad timing. I'm actually scared. I'm twenty-freakin-three years old. I want someone to tell me it's ok, and to hold my hand. I'm keep telling myself it's gonna be fine... but geez, I'm scared.

Good thoughts...

On the way home, I stopped at the church. I just needed to visit with my old youth pastor... Jeff. This man used to be one of the most important in my life. Life changes took our relationship on different paths. Even so, I was greeted with a smile. I've been missed, and that's just alrite. We caught up a bit. I sat down in his office, and that was his cue to give some much needed advice, along with his ever familiar attempts to make me giggle. I love that man. He also reminds me of someone I find dearest**. It's so funny... our conversations. An example... he listens to me ramble and then tries to convince me of something so completely silly and I say, "you're craaaaazy!... Jeff... focus!" "Oh ok... go on". Repeat. And then finally the good advice comes out. His perspective is the concensus. And therefore, hopeful.

Yesterday I didn't even listen to music. Today I sang on the way home.

A little later in the evening, I believe I made a new friend. So, thanks to Janelle for making me laugh and feel proud to be a girl. She's a gem, that one.
You sit back and relax, I'll row for now. ;)

I sat down and read some things online... sadness ensued. "I felt my head was like a heavy flood... I'm gonna float or I'm gonna sink..."

I'll float rite now, thanks.

I just know that whatever I do... it's in love, and I should hope others would do the same. Seems obvious to me. (read: Logic does not always apply)

Thanks for reading this log of my life. You're too kind, and chances are ... you're more than you think you are(to me).
. . .

(**not as in I "own" a dearest... the one "dearest" to me... just to clarify)

I'm not even sure.

Often, I find myself thinking about what I was doing this time last year. So I suppose I'll share a little.
Last year on this day I was in Japan with a severe broken heart. A lot of you know the story... just the same old lost love blather. Much has happened since then. I've began life again, made a lot of dear friends, seen/heard some good live music, and met someone who's become very important to me. It's been a (lovely)whirlwind, that's fo sho. It's odd to think of how relationships come about and how people's lives become intertwined. I believe this is the most important part of life. Seems obvious to me.
This person I met a few short months ago is among the greatest I've ever known. I knew that in the minutes following the first time we laid eyes on each other. (Sappy? Nah.) The things he's overcome, and the lengths he's gone to make life better is why I respect him so much. His presence is easy, gentle, humerous... He is loved. He is blessed. Troy, you're so much more than I could ever express. And you've made me feel beautiful again. Thank you.

"The greatest thing is to love and be loved in return."

Maybe I shouldn't post these (perhaps) private thoughts. It just is what it is.


Love.

Long time... no write.

It's been a while. Primarily b/c I no longer have an internet connection. I'm at the library. Bah.

My thoughts are single, elsewhere, and scattered. This is not a good thing.
Much has happened since I last posted. I cannot, at this time, go into detail. (the suspense is killing you...)

I'm posting lyrics today.

...

I want you to be my love.
I want you to be my love.
Something, something... stars above.
I want you to be my love.

I want you to know me now.
I want you to know me now.
Break a promise, make a vow.
I know you want me now....

Like I want you...
Like I want you...

I want you to be my love.
I want you to be my love.
'Cause I want you...
'Cause I want you...
All that you've been through.

-OtR
...

Be still.