rainy day journal.

i'm craving something beautiful.

do you ever feel like this? ... like untouched passion spilling out in the color of sweet, red wine. it almost feels silly to say b/c it's so strong, i know it cannot be expressed in words. it's that feeling. when i have it, i'm so thankful i feel like i could die right then and there. and it has nothing to do with me, it's another's beauty. it's in a painting, a poem, or in a chord. it's someone's life leaked onto the pages of my life. it's in my grandmothers's tired eyes. it's the exchange of touch. it's giving. it's so much. if i'm making any sense, please don't take it for granted. slow down, and search for it. let it come to you. just don't miss it.
....

brand new day.

Well, I'm here. I live in Cincinnati, now.

I'm feeling a bit lonely, I think. I'm sure it will pass... I start school on Tuesday, and hopefully a new job really soon. :) I just can't wait to get out... find some cool places, and meet some cool folks. I sound like a nerd... so, I'll add to that... I sorta miss my mom. And my bro and sis. And it's weird not having my dad around to put things together or fix stuff.

I'm not complaining... this is what I want. It's just transitional, and will take some getting used to. In the words of Martha Stewart... "This is a very good thing." *snicker*
That said, it's time to look for a job, and start saving for my own place! Woohoo! (i can't wait for Casie to get here!!)

I'm truely grateful to Dave for letting me live here for the time being. And very thankful for my mother... she took me shopping for all those much needed little items. Thanks, mom.

I love most of you. G'day!

Life is weird.

... a broad statement, I realize.

I always find myself thinking, "what was I doing one year ago?"... well, last year at this time I had a boyfriend, and we were seriously talking marriage. I had a horrible job, and I wasn't in school. My church-life was becoming non-existent. My closest non-boyfriend-having-girl-friend was someone I barely speak to now.
Today, I got an email from said girl-friend saying she got engaged last nite. I haven't had a date in over a month. I'm moving to another state in less than a week. School will take up a lot of my time(thankfully). I'm really going to miss working at Beatniks. And I frequently wonder about God. If he's there, why hasn't he reached out?
...

"clear in the middle
where the walls don't bend,
there's a soul on the edge of being born again.
the sky's all blue and the coulds move high
like the smoke above the mirror to my after-life.
i know it's crazy, i don't care...
i'm not wreckless, i'm no good
i know that i'm not doing like i said i would."