and these... are the days of our lives.

i feel overwhelmed, and very unsettled.

there is just so much going on. there's good and bad. i feel like 10 different people trying to align schedules for an important meeting.

i've had some interesting conversations with all different types of friends, lately.
and in other friendships, not enough conversation... which only stresses me out and makes me try too hard.
i've met these cool guys at Beatniks. i'm leaving. bad timing.
my mother is hurting. but doing well with her diet.
i need to visit my grandmother... this brings tears to my eyes.
i'm lonely.
i think "he" moved away.
my sister barely speaks to me.
i don't have a job lined up in Cinci.
i don't know if i want religion anymore. at least, i don't rite now.
i really love to sing, but i suck.
i'm scared about moving. what if i miss something important? will i make friends? this is the right thing, isn't it? will i be able to get my own apartment?
re-finishing this wooden desk gives me a good feeling.
money and bills suck.
i don't want to be forgotten.
i crave passion.

i know, deep down, it's all going to work out. but rite now, well, i'm just not so fine.

"how can i taste so many kinds, and still have one song in mind?"
...

.....

it makes a difference
when you walk through a room
with that worrisome smile
road weary perfume

but this isn't the place
and it isn't the time
for this beautiful delusion
that is robbing me blind

i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when i go

it makes a difference
that i'm feeling this way
with plenty to think aboutand so little to say
except for this confession
that is poised on my lips
i'm not letting go of God
I'm just losing my grip

i want to know
i want to know
will it keep you guessing
when i go

what is a love
if the love's not my own
this is not my home
this is lonely
but never alone

i just want to hold you
in my gaze for awhile
so i can remember
every line around your smile

then i want to know
i want to know
will it make a difference
when I go
...

Well, tonite I had plans to tell my boss that I'm leaving. He never came in(which is weird), so I ended up leaving a short letter. I just had to get it out, I couldn't let it wait until Thursday, and tomorrow I'll be in Cinci all day. *sigh* It will be alrite. It's just bad timing.
...
That cute boy came in again tonite. He's cute. Let's just say I did alrite in the tip department. That's all. :)
...
I should go to bed. I have to get up early to work on the desk I'm refinishing, and then off to Cinci for a meeting and a small job search.

Goodnite.

i just love photos!

college2
... all my girls from college. the beautiful blond on the bottom was my roommate freshman year. the girl in green(also a kileigh) on the bottom, and the 4 girls below me were my closest friends.

sunday afternoon.

I must say, yesterday was quite lovely. It was sunny, and about 70 degrees.

One of the girls from work had previously told me about some free house type stuff she was giving away. So I stopped by their house to rummage thru all the boxes. I got a glass pie dish(What? I can bake!), two serving dishes, some silverware, and some Tupperware®. I also picked up an antique wooden chair, begging to be restored. This is all so exciting. I stopped by the fleamarket(that's such a gross name when you think of it), found some old dishclothes, and 3 of the greatest old old black and white photos. I'm just beyond myself about those... I "bartered" for them too. Haha. One is in a frame, it's a class picture from the 20's, i believe. The other two photos are portrait shots, one a younger lady and the other an older(tired) women. They are just fantastic! I can just see them hanging on the wall in my little vintage apt. Hehe. (I better calm down!)
Afterwards, I stopped in Beatniks b/c my sister was working by herself. One of the cute boys who comes in rather regularly was there. *sigh* Yeah, so we sat and talked for the next 3 hours or so. It was refreshing. He's cute, but it was nice to not be hit on or propositioned just b/c I'm a female. Even so, if he asked... I'd most likely have a positive reply. :) We played a few songs on guitar, he sang(wow), and then I got out the bongo drums. What fun! ...but painful!
My luck... he's probably interested in my sister. *sigh* Ahh well.

It was a nice Sunday.
...

--listening to CowboyJunkies, Open---> Courtesy of Michelle from Hawaii. :)

a trip down memory lane...

so, i've been going thru a lot of boxes in preparation for the big move. i came across a bunch of stuff from high school. what a trip! i'm really not sure why i was one of the popular kids... i looked like such a dork! i guess we were all pretty dorky. i found myself giggling as i paged thru a coupla yearbooks. i also found my "senior will". my goodness, it brought back a lot of memories with close girlfriends! makes me wonder if there was anything we didn't laugh about.i also found a lot of pictures from my "college days".... still dorky, but a little prettier. haha.

all this to say, it's funny how life takes so many unexpected turns.

life is good.

here are two of the many pictures i came across...

highschool 

a quickie

i've officially started packing. i've found i have a lot of junk, a lot of memories i'm not ready to throw away, and more music than i originally thought. however, i'm missing two cds... jack johnson(brushfire fairytales) and the jayhawks(most recent). if anyone has information regarding these cds, please contact your local police. thaaaaanks.
...

i'm really really dreading having to tell Beatniks about leaving. right now, i'm pretty much waiting for the appropriate time to break the news. *sigh* i know it will all work out, but "eh".
...

i'm proud of myself for the amount of mundane tasks i accomplished today. *pats self on back*

yeah... we're gonna be alrite.

off to work... ..... .... ......

The 11 o'clock news...

...included a feature story of 4 U.S. Marines coming home from Iraq. I'm all teary-eyed. I can never watch these types of stories w/o crying. Last year when Joe came home from Iraq, I felt so horrible that I could not be in N.C. when he got off the plane. No one was there for him, not even his family. The day after, I said, "screw my job", rented a car, and surprised him. When I arrived, I remember feeling so safe, and protected, along with many other emotions. Going thru a war with someone is not easy. I better stop now.
...

"Life is strange. (Life is good. Life is how it should be.)"

frustrated...

i'm trying to switch over to blogspot, but this is a little more complicated than livejournal, so it seems. any help would be appreciated.