Here's the thing. I cannot write anything worth reading to save my life. It's very frustrating. Writing has always been an outlet for me(even if I keep most of it private), but for some reason, for the last month or so... I haven't been able to manufacture a clear thought. It's driving me nuts.
I fancy myself as a some-what creative person. The juices are flowing. I keep filling up, but there is no release. What if I just blow up one day? Bits of kylie everywhere. Eeeesh.
Maybe it's b/c I haven't been reading for leisure. I have tons of books on my list. I've started a nice little library, if I do say so muh-self. Do you think it's wrong to buy books just b/c I think they look good on my vintage bookshelves? :) Anyhoo, back to the matter at hand. What in the Sam-hill is my problem?
I've played a lot of guitar the past few days... thinking it might help... it has not. I've been playing a few Gillian Welch songs. A few OtR songs from Drunkard's Prayer. And a few of my own chords. I began a poem, but Zayne had to rearrange it to make it sound better. That's how much I suck. "Hi, I'm kylie and I'm addicted to writing sucky poems." (**Hi kylie**)
Here, read this... maybe you can help... maybe we can write a poem together. Maybe we could dance...
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i've had this song on repeat for hours
this melody has been opened,
chords licking the wounds of one soul wrenched with pain.
my calloused fingers cling to the strings
ringing of truth
locked, and lovely
like lovers denied
the seemingly intermittent beat of my heart
fails to keep time
as it strums out my thoughts
digressively seeking direction...
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*Gasp*
::Whispers:: "Did she just put part of a (sucky) poem in the middle of a post?!"
Yeah folks, I did.
I'm feeling random... what are you gonna do about it?
...Reeling it back in...
Maybe I'm scared to write? This is an online journal... linked on a message board, my aol profile, and email. Not that this is the only place I write... I'm just sayin'. (Gosh!)
Like rite now... I could probably totally take the lid off of my heart and spill out every thought and emotion, but I can't do that here. Someone might read it and take it the wrong way and that could be bad. It could be a lot of things.
So maybe it's b/c I'm not taking time to see the beauty. Life, sometimes, feels like it's moving too fast. Yet, too slow. Something is missing. (Notice I didn't say *someone*) And a lot of the time I think about things I don't have. I should be focusing on the things I do have... that would probably make life feel more complete. And maybe that's where my creativity lies.
Oh, I'm little lost and not so sure I want to be found. God help me.
So, I just rambled... Hey! That's a start.
And now, I'm gonna hit the books like a fat kid on chocolate cake. I mean, I'm gonna study... hard.
...
My memory will not fail me now,
And the rest is history...
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3 comments:
You know KJ, I went through this about a month ago (and seem to every couple of months) - where the words won't come, and in part it has to do with who might be reading them. I don't really have any advice except, like all things, this too shall pass. You'll get through this creative lag and be right on top again soon.
I promise.
And it's definitely Ok to buy books just cause they look nice on a shelf. Especially vintage books on a vintage shelf. ;)
kylie,
i started blogging on myspace. you can only allow friends in your network to see your posts, which is how i'm choosing to do it. :) it's easier to control who sees/reads what.
good luck, sweet girl.
mwah!
Thanks, folks. I just wanna add that I'm not too hung up over this issue of my creativity, or lack there of. I just wanted to ramble about something. But, these(ya'll) are folks I can call my friends... mwah!
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